making friends.

Monday, July 18, 2011


now that i've told you about fighting with my husband, i'd like to talk about how i have no friends.

let's take a minute to have a small (but respectful) pity party for myself, and then move on. 

i have had the worst luck making friends since we moved to the city 3 years ago. i blame it on my mostly work from home schedule. sam wiggins is my co-worker by the way.

i digress. the first friend i made here turned out to be a drug-taking boyfriend-cheatin' loser. i'm about as liberal as they come, but this girl had no conscious.

ed and i have a hard time making couple friends because no one our age is married. apparently we are freaks for putting an end to single life at (gasp!) 27.

do you live in nyc? do you wanna be my friend? seriously.

on a happy note, i'm excited to meet sharon and her 3 cute kids on wednesday. hopefully i won't let her down by not being able to talk about breastfeeding and public vs. private schools. or whatever it is you cool moms talk about when you get together.

57 comments:

Sharon said...

So funny. I promise Im well past the stage of talking about breastfeeding/birth stories/and all the firsts. I walked past some moms the other day tellin their birth stories and thought to myself, "oh! I can't even remember my birth stories nor do I want to talk about it!" it's been almost four years. I will have to refrain from public school banter. Noted! C u soon.

kitchu said...

i did not breast feed my daughter. god that would have been so creepy. :O) and damn i feel SO FREAKING OLD next to you but i FEEL 27. i do. and i would move to NYC in a heartbeat. god wouldn't i though.

my best friend betrayed me in the worst way. they are overrated.

rebecca said...

kitchu-
friends are only over rated if you actually have them! you crack me up.

B. in the Know said...

Sad - if I lived in the city (which I would love to by the way) I would totally be your friend. Have you met Dawn from The Alternative Wife? She is married, around your age, and lives in the city - could be the beginning of a sweet friendship!
Much love,
B

PoetessWug said...

You need to associate yourself with a group of people who are very selfless and loving and who have tons of friends! Guess who?! LOL

Mary Jo from TrustYourStyle said...

You know it's a relief to know i'm not the only one--I haven't had great luck meeting new people after I left L.A. but things take time and blogger friends can be great because you already have so many things in common. If I lived closer we could be friends :)

xo mary jo

rebecca said...

b-
thanks for the info. great idea.

Andrea {FancyThat!} said...

I'm with you, but from the reverse side of the matter. I had a group of close friends. My hubs and I were the first to get married, then everyone followed and decided to have kids right away! And I'm with you--can't take the labor and nursing stories all the time. So we go solo most of the time.

Kate (Embarrassment of Riches) said...

You, me, and Vanessa (Voyage of V) should get together! Everyone I have ever met via blogs has been a total sweetheart; I few have become very close friends!

rebecca said...

andrea-
huge life changes (marriage, kids) make having/keeping friends so difficult. i hear ya.

vanda said...

Such a GREAT photo!!!!If you come to Greece-Crete, we can be friends!!!!!just mind that the temperature was 40C today!!!

JenLynn said...

It is tough making friends in a new city, when you are no longer in college. I hustled and made many friends right after I moved to DC but it was exhausting and after 3-4 months the friendship would end because they worked too many hours, got a significant other, moved away, blah, blah. I was tired of chasing people around. Plus I make friends with men easier than women and we all know where that ends up. Thankfully I found a great man who is my best friend plus two doggies who never let me down.

The Remarkable Redhead said...

I don't live in NYC (yet) but I'd love to be your friend! I am in city occasionally and hope to move there eventually. One of my biggest fears is not being able to make friends if I move to a new city, not that I have so many where I already live...haha.

http://splashofsass.blogspot.com

Kate Lewis said...

so fun to discover your blog today. you crack me up-- thanks for your comment!

hey, i've got an art giveaway goin' on
www.katelewisart.blogspot.com

zephyr said...

if i lived in the city...
but, then
i'm an OF, so maybe i'd bore you...
although we do have the camera thing in common

zephyr said...

and great hats!

rebecca said...

jenlynn-
i like the way you think.

House of Milk said...

It's so hard to make friends once you're out of the college/single scene. I realize I'm not the first to say this, but if I were a New Yorker, I'd be your friend :)

Abby said...

I work from home, too. I'm an only child. All of my friends are single while I'm married with a child. Making friends isn't my strong suit these days, either.

I live in SLC but if I lived in NYC, I'd totally be your friend- as long as you let me have as many Sam Wiggins kisses as I wanted.

rebecca said...

abby-
you can make out with sam wiggins.

Jennifurla said...

If you visit san diego, we can chill

Much to My Delight said...

Hi Rebecca--I live in Astoria and hang out with TONS of couples. We're a lot of fun and about half of us are obsessed with photography. You and your husband are cordially invited to my next backyard bash (probably next month). I'll let you know when it is as soon as I set the date!

Gaby [The Vault Files] said...

Haha, I got married at 25 so you're no freak...or are we? If you are up to having bloggy friends I would like to be your friend ;) And maybe one day I'll meet you (best friend lives in NY so I try to go frequently) Only thing, I'm in the mommy's club, but I'll do to my best not to bore you with kids related stories ;)

Jessie said...

i can relate, our problem is we live in a sleepy town in the woods and everyone around us is old or middle aged with teenagers.

i wonder if i post about my lack of friends on my blog if i'll get invites like you... :)

Lori ann said...

at least there aren't those pesky birthday presents to buy ;)

(i hope this post found you lots of new bff's)

rebecca said...

jessie-
i'm imagining you and your husband out in the woods surrounded by really old people and it's cracking me up.

Reagan said...

rebecca!!! WE are frieeeends!

i mean, i know i'm your hairstylist and we have never hung out outside of the salon, but i have THOUGHT about hanging out outside of the salon. i've even thought about hanging out outside of the salon with jake and ed involved in the picture. eh?

also, this post was so cute. the picture was the perfect little addition. and your legs are always so toned and long. jeal.

la petite coquine said...

Move to SF and we can be old young married ladies and trash talk. John and I haven't had good couple friends in a year, and I have to admit that it's been pretty lonely. No wonder my blogging is such a big part of my life!

Obviously I'm terribly drunk, or I'd be saying, "Oh don't worry, your new bestie is right around the corner." The truth is that making friends when you're a grown up is pretty damn miserable.

s.212 said...

I think making friends in a city like New York when you're not in school anymore can be tough for anyone! I'm sure you're not alone and there are probably tons of awesome people like you who want to meet new friends :)

Diana said...

I know exactly what you mean. I was married at 27. I'm 30 now, but for three years it was really hard to find those balanced friends who are either still single and partying, or it was the park mom's who I didn't have much in common with. Thankfully, I've found great friends. It does take time, but when those friends are discovered, they are worth it.

Pretzel Thief said...

Dude, if I lived in NYC I would totally be your friend. AND I was a few months shy of 26 when I married last November so, y'know, there's that (husband = 31).

Also, why don't you hit up Nat the Fat Rat, she seems pretty awesome and is on the Upper West Side!

WhitMc said...

I would totally be your pal if I was in NYC! But I am just outside of SF, so it looks like I should be friends with la petite coquine! I wish you luck in your endeavor. It is especially hard to find couple friends. My husband and I call it "couple dating" because it is like you are dating couples to find your new friends. And then just cross your fingers they don't get divorced.

adele said...

I feel for you....if only i was in NYC! Fingers crossed on your quest! BTW I was 27 when I got married xoxo
http://www.intotheblonde.com/

Andrea said...

I'm beginning to make more friends in blogland! Being a Brit in France is difficult to make friends especially when everyone around here is about 90 :)

MeredithDuck said...

I'm not so good at making new friends either. We too got married before all of our other friends and finding couple friends can be hard because inevitably one of us doesn't like one of them (and I guess you could say one of them doesn't like one of us...but that's just crazy). If you want to move to Detroit we can totally be couple friends.

Erin said...

Becca- have I ever told you my birthing stories...

Suzzie V said...

haha I can't believe there aren't other couples in the area. I'm 23 and married. Move to Utah and you will fit right in. lol. Hope things get better for you chica!

KimBerly said...

Making friends as adults is tough. I've had the same friends since I was 13 and I'm 33. I hold on tight and never let them leave me no matter what. lol.
If I lived in NYC I would be your friend. I will be your friend even though I don't live by you. I love NYC and have always dreamed of living there. Can I live vicariously through you???

Shelly said...

Saw your blog via The Coterie Blog. All I have worthy of saying today is, that is an awesome photo you took! And, hang in there -- "it will all come out in the wash". I can say that because I'm a grandma:) Love your blog!

rebecca said...

shelly-
i love that repeatable phrase.

Teresa said...

Geez Girl.

Must be some Cosmic thing - you have your planets all in a mess... and I'm so envious that you'll be coming on top of it while us - mere mortals - would be watching CSI in search of inspiration to end our misery ahahahah

I think Moms talk about those issues between Moms. When with a sweet girl like you they want to get back to the phase you're in - or even a little before - and have a good time.

Do you know how some people don't like the beach, or wine, or snow...? The same with you. Weird not liking you, not wanting to be your BFF but hey there's no accountancy for good taste ahahahah.

You still have plenty of time and if lonely is an issue there's always the www full of interesting people craving friends (trust me!)... wouldn't be nice to have you making his/her day?

Oh, I see I'm going the wrong route XD, this is a pity party. Poor you ;) and yes, it's difficult to make friends when you're older, because you really want this to matter and last and we all have issues that don't go away with a kiss. So it isn't the 8 yo "wanna be my friend?" "ok" (plus, shrug). We really have to work the cosmos to align with our friends' and then the husbands', the dogs', but if you invest time and effort you'll get there. You'll see.

:hug:

Hannah J. Holmes said...

rebecca, i feel the same way...and you feel too young to be married at 27? Goodness, I must be a freak of nature -- I am 22 and married, which does make it difficult to find couple friends...and then the single people in our area seem to have a phobia of married couples. It's very strange! If I were in NYC I would totally be your friend! :)

rebecca said...

hannah-
i feel like new yorkers get married much later in life. thus the problem with finding married couples our age. you are NOT a freak of nature, my friend.

skim said...

Um, let's hang. I'm in Brooklyn but am willing to travel! :) And I also have some lovely girlfriends who I know would love to meet you.

Leslie *Fresh Out of Lemons* said...

I do know an awesome (early 30's) married couple in NYC! Look up Cut Brooklyn and go meet them! Tell them that Leslie, from McDonough, sent you. :)

rebecca said...

leslie-
i love that you just reffered me to a friend. awesome. and thanks!

HazelandMare said...

I live in Baltimore but I totally want to be your friend! I come to New York all the time via a sketchy yet amazing discount bus. Our friendship will be awesome and filled with adventure!

Dani said...

You're hilarious!I'm in th exact same boat but with a son haha

Lulu said...

I know I'm late to this post but I just found your blog. This one hit so close to home for me but the reasons for my lack of friends is that I live in a completely conservative, southern city in Louisiana where if you don't start having kids by age 25 max, and you are my age (37) without a brood of kids, you are not only considered strange but a little ostracized (guess they think my strangeness is going to rub off on them). Great blog by the way! -Lisa

Bailey said...

Love your honesty about this. I moved to NY not knowing a soul and it took me 6 months to make my first friend. After many years (and friends!) In NY I moved to another city - I have been here two years and find it hard to make friends. Real friends (not just friends of your sister/husband/etc). Good luck and great blog!

The Franglaise said...

hey there lady! I know the feeling. Took me almost two years before making any "real" friends in Paris. They were either weird, or uninterested or totally different from me. Obviously, I then felt that there might have been something bizarrely wrong with me but then one day you wake up, and have tones numbers in your mobile phone to call. Friends will come to you. It just takes that much longer in a big city!

bethr82 said...

check out a blog by NattheFatRat she lives in Manhatten avec her husband, baby x

Kayla Poole said...

I'm now catching up on your posts and I'm worried I'm not going to be able to stop clicking back through to the beginning. I had a lofty to-do today, too! Ah, well. I think this means I want to be your friend. (Seriously, would love to meet for coffee anytime lady!)

Melissa Jade said...

Just discovered your blog (and it's too damn cold to go out today!) so I've been browsing old posts. I've had the absolute worst luck making friends in the city too- but I work just a stone's throw from your turf on the upper west. Maybe you & me or you + husband and me + husband can meet up one day. Email me! (and I'm 27!)

Nicola said...

Hi! I just found your blog today - and I just read this posting.... NYC is so hard to find friends - really so hard! Don't give up! and you can give me a ring!! Nics

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog today. Love it! I totally feel the same way about making friends in NYC. I work from home, which makes it extra hard. I've been here a year and have yet to make a single quality friend!

one claire day said...

Hello! I'm having the best time stalking your archives and getting so bloody excited about our trip to nyc in November.

Great blog and stunning photography!

If you still haven't made a friend by November (we have at least one thing in common!)... maybe we can meet up! I'd try my best to avoid the breastfeeding in public thing! ;)

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