the reacher and the settler.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

the reacher and the settler

over dinner, our friends started talking about the reacher vs the settler theory. have you heard of this? according to the theory, every relationship has a reacher and a settler. the reacher is the person who "reaches" for the other person out of their league, and the settler is the person who "settles" for their partner. a bit appalling, no?

i couldn't really trace this theory to anything reliable besides a 2010 article in cosmopolitan magazine. use your own judgement as to how reliable you want cosmo to be. i was expecting to find a whole psychological theory based off this notion in some sort of fancy schmancy online journal. i did not.

regardless, it makes people watching all the more interesting.

photos by the sartorialist.

20 comments:

Julie said...

I have never heard of this! Appaling, yes, but so interesting. It's nice to read a blog that isn't always talking about fall trends and DIY's. Bravo.

Amielle said...

That second photo is one of my favourites by the Satorialist. Not quite on topic but!

Anyways: That's an interesting theory and I'd really like to know more. It's not something that would sit with most people, but I think it would say so much about other things as well, such as how child rearing could affect that or jobs or really any number of things.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure it was on an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Ha!

Katie said...

Definitely a HIMYM episode!

I guess it goes along with the idea that you should always marry someone who loves you more than you love him. Still pretty appalling, but people like to act like it's the secret to happiness.

Lottie Simm said...

yes it was on an episode of how i met your mother with lily and marshall.

i think it is a fascinating question especially when you are watching couples together--although i am not sure if anyone would actually tell you the truth, whether they actually think they are the settler or the reacher.

Briana said...

Interesting. And appalling. I am sure my husband and I would both secretly think we are each the settler.

But, I'll admit... I think I might have been more of the reacher. My husband is a great catch!

rebecca said...

katie, lottie, anon-
how i met your mother! thanks. :)

Victoria said...

I wouldn't say that this is true in every case....But, I will honestly say that I have often thought that! You look at most couples an that is quite clear, although I never actually put it into those exact words.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine once said that a relationship lasts when both people think they're "punching above their weight" (British term for "out of their league").

Shoko said...

Not a fan of this theory, but a HUGE fan of these photos. Coolest couples on Earth?

Jo Waterhouse said...

This theory doesn't apply to me or anyone I know, but you're right: it's going to be fun to smoosh onto couples in the street.

erin said...

i like jo's response best. also, i clearly need to invest in more prints. so does james.

Susan said...

Never heard of it, but yes makes people watching more fun!

Lena at A Crimson Kiss said...

Cosmo is like Ladies' Home Onion–what are those writers working with?!

Diandra said...

Not quite on-topic: I was recently listening to an episode of Jay Mohr's podcast, Mohr Stories, and his guest for that episode was Brad Williams (comedian & little person). Brad said that some little people call non-little people, "reachers." Seeing your title in my reader made me think of this...

rebecca said...

diandra-
interesting. thanks for sharing. :)

JEREMYandCHELSEA said...

I thought that theory was from the show How I Met Your Mother! While it isn't the best theory, they knew how to make it hilarious.

TheBeautyFile said...

I wonder if this is the kind of thing that can change over time...like one person is the reacher and then later becomes the settler. Or vice a versa. Or perhaps this just evens itself out naturally over time. I love this post. You are intelligent.

Lonely Wife Project said...

Interesting, but I can't think of a single couple this applies to in my social circle.

Monica L. Shulman said...

I definitely think this might apply to some couples...like you wonder what on earth one of them sees in the other. But some people just "work" you know?

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