everything happens for a reason.

Friday, December 21, 2012

the daily muse

five years have passed since we moved to nyc and this time of year always brings up memories. i know it's been a difficult year for so many of you, and in broader terms, it's been a difficult year for our country as a whole. remembering the good stuff is essential.

we've been thinking a lot lately about moving (within our same hood, of course) and it's such an emotionally charged decision for me. sam wiggins was a puppy when we moved into the building and we've literally built our lives here. but at some point i realize maybe the only thing keeping me here is memories of the past. a leak sprung through the ceiling last week (same as it did last year) and i had to think, is this my sign to peace outta here? perhaps. but i have an attachment to this apartment that i can't even describe. well, i can describe... it's our first new york apartment. we made ourselves a family in this 500 square feet.

ed and i were sitting at our coffee shop last weekend remembering the horror of finding an apartment in the city for the first time. we schlepped our way through the upper west side with an 18 year old real estate broker in frigid temperatures (and snow) that my southern blood was not yet used to. there are still two starbucks in the neighborhood i can't bare to go inside because i only remember the hours we spent there waiting on a phone call.

anyway, on that same apartment hunting trip, i had a couple job interviews. we parted ways in the morning- ed to his new job to fill out paperwork and me to queens to interview for a nutritionist position at a rehab hospital. the interview sucked (everything happens for a reason!) and i headed back to the city lost as an easter egg only hoping i was on the right train. i got off the subway at bryant park trying to figure out what it meant to transfer (seriously) and i spot ed getting on the opposite train headed in the right direction. i yell his name and run towards the train, barely making it in before the doors close. if you live in nyc, you know how unlikely it is to find your significant other on the train at the same time and place.

after a few days of bad interviews and no luck in the apartment search, doubt had surely crept in. but ridiculously, in that moment, without speaking, our uncertainty was erased as if somehow this meet up meant everything was going to be ok. five years later, it's still ok.

the daily muse

when i'm weighing important decisions, i always find comfort in "everything happens for a reason." i can almost always find some sort of sign leading me to the right choice. the hard part is being aware of it.

27 comments:

Susan said...

I truly believe it does...if we are aware of it it is even more poignant.

Leslie said...

Well, gosh, I really needed to be reminded of that this morning.

.kaitlyn. said...

amen sister. its hard to clear out the clutter and the noise in life to hear affirmation youre on the right path, but its most definitely there! thanks for this needed reminder!

chic81.com said...

Everything happens for a reason, indeed. I have been repeating this to myself over and over for the past few months because this year has been pretty rough. I hate throw another cliche in there, but it goes so well with yours, that when one door closes, another opens. I also remind myself of this quite often lately.
-Sonya

Anonymous said...

what a lovely post. warned my heart. thank you.

Monica L. Shulman said...

I am a huge believer in this. We're very similar you and me...maybe that's why I we get along so well. :) Whatever you decide will be the right choice for the time. It's never easy for me since I'm so indecisive and tend to endlessly second-guess myself. I can tell you though that no matter where you live or what you do, 20 years from now you will still miss your little love nest where you became a family of New Yorkers and where you grew and evolved so much. That place for me is in Brooklyn in a tiny apt on the second floor of an ancient brownstone where if I think about it I can still feel the breeze coming in through the window, the quiet hum of the cars whizzing by on the BQE a few blocks away, the rustling of the leaves in spring, and the jazz music that our neighbors played day in and day out. It was our first place together, the first place I lived after I left my parents' house. We loved it so much that when we go to brooklyn, no matter where we are, we make it a point to go to the heights to pass by our tiny home on Willow Place. We even open the vestibule door and laugh bc it still squeaks and the place still even smells the same.

Just think about how exciting the next chapter will be when the last five were so amazing even if they were sometimes scary too? x

Monica L. Shulman said...

btw, your man loves you so. that first photo is the very essence of you (from my perspective) and he captured it perfectly. Thoughtful, pensive, pretty, warm, a little irreverent, kind...

Erica said...

i have trouble being aware of those signs. i'm a planner, and once a plan is made, nothing, come hell or high water, can shake me from that plan.

this year, we also moved apartments within the city. we lived in hell's kitchen, and i so desperately wanted to move to the uws. i've had a love affair with the uws since i first saw you've got mail years ago. but my husband, the one willing to follow those signs, kept suggesting the ues. so i'd look at a million apartments on the uws, and maybe one or two on the ues. we saw one in particular on the ues that my husband loved but i was unsure b/c it wasn't PART OF THE PLAN. i unwillingly put in an application and we got the apartment, and i unwillingly moved. AND I LOVE IT. i honestly come home every day and think, i love my apartment. i love my neighborhood. the move was perfect. we couldn't be happier. thank goodness my husband isn't freakishly stubborn like me.

rebecca said...

erica-
we have that in common. :)

Lottie Simm said...

i so believe in this philosophy too and sometimes the things that seem the worst outcome at the time turn out to be the best.

Julie said...

The hard part for me is definitely to be aware of the signs... I struggle with making decisions.

Lauren said...

"Lost as an easter egg" I just love that. :-)

"Everything happens for a reason" has been my mantra the last 4 1/2 years. Mostly it's what I tell myself to be OK that I'm temporarily in a city I don't like very much (b/c of husband's career). I loved reading your moving to NYC story and I always enjoy seeing your photos.

I hope that leak got fixed!

Rebeka said...

Wow, I can't believe you saw Ed on the train. That is nuts. And I agree, definitely happened for a reason.

Also, a leak? In your celling? Did it get fixed (read: did your landlord fix it)? I hope there is no mold growing!

I had such a hard time leaving my first Seattle apartment. It was symbolic of so many firsts in my life and I have such good memories of that place. But, ultimately, now that I've moved away from it, I'm glad I did. I'm sure you won't regret the move if you guys decide to make it.

Olga Galchenko said...

Love this post, Rebecca. (I love all your personal posts.) You sure write well. So many of us can relate to set-backs, and building a home in an unfamiliar, at first, place.

But you guys! "Everything happens for a reason"? Really? That's right up there with "It's God's will." Bad things happen to good people, sometimes without reason. What's the purpose to assigning cause to everything?

I really don't mean to be a dick. I love and sympathize with all of you. What I hope you mean when you say "everything happens for a reason" is "when bad things happen to me, I try to rebound and see if I can make something good out of something obviously bad." I know that's a much longer phrase, but doesn't it make more sense?

Andi of My Beautiful Adventures said...

Yes it really, really does!!! Now if only we could comprehend that when we're going through something difficult.

bonjour, i'm rebecca! said...

,,,i keep telling myself "everything happens for a reason" it keeps me off meds (smile),,,

Ashley said...

lovely post - I think you're right. I find that things always work themselves out.

Kayla Poole said...

Love this, B. Once we return from Europe and settle back into our life after the holidays, our focus will shift to finding a new place to live. About 90% of the time, I am super jazzed by this prospect. But every so often, I become overcome with nostalgia for this little home we've created together and feel my eyes tear up thinking about letting it go. We will have lived here for three years when we leave in March, and so much happened in that time. It's hard to think about saying goodbye to the walls that witnessed it all!

The Bebebirds said...

Boy do I know this feeling so well. It was like that when I moved from TX to Georgia. sign here, sign there. Praying you guys get all the signs you need and the right decision will open up before you. Thanks for sharing this :)

Brooke

KBlaze said...

Great post :)

I remember when we were moving from NJ to NYC last January .... after I had wanted to live here SO BADLY for so long .... as we were packing and actually moving I started thinking "oh no, but we have the cutest little NJ apartment and everything is great, is this a mistake?" And after unloading all of our boxes here on the UWS thinking "hmm i hope this was the right choice".... and then I woke up the next morning and knew we had made the right decision and never looked back.

Moving is so odd. I feel like you know when it's the right time to go.... still feel nervous and nostalgic during the process... but once you actually move, it's hard to even remember being back in that other place....

Plus. This time you know if you need help apartment hunting you know where to find me :)

Anonymous said...

From Spain : Feliz Navidad! VerĂ³nica

Amielle said...

That's something I've had to remind myself over and over during the last eight months - year. And of course, it's normally something that you can say to yourself more easily after the hardest bit has passed but I keep holding on to that and truly believe in it.

Anonymous said...

I think it's wise to use some discretion when throwing around the "everything happens for a reason" jargon. Generally, living life by this philosophy helps with one's outlook and promotes optimism.

But it's also limited and silly. If I am raped, did it happen for some all-important reason for which I should be grateful? If a child is sexually assaulted, is that for a reason, too? How about the Newtown massacre - was that for a reason and should that give the grieving families solace?

Luna said...

i'm a "signs" type of person. if too many happen at a significant time i know i should be sensing something is/isn't right. i hope you find the answer to your questions, and soon.

sumslay said...

I love this post. As for Anonymous, I know what you're saying, but there's also so much you can control. No, I don't think it happens for a reason necessarily(certainly not a good one), but there's only so much we have control over in life. You can only control your attitude about things sometimes.

I think every young person goes through tough times starting out in life, no matter where you are. Once I moved to a new city and had roots, I never wanted to move again (even though that had originally been the plan). However, meeting friends (I moved with no one), knowing your way around, figuring out social norms - all that stuff is surprisingly hard.

Nicola Rowlands said...

nice blog, lady! I envy your ability to brunch in new york. I be brunching in manchester which isn't as cool.

Katie said...

Lovely story Becca! I moved 11 times, including 3 countries, during college and the first few years out. Then I moved to Brazil with my now husband and we've been living in the same place for 2 years. It's taken me this long settle and realize I don't have to move every year and now I can't imagine going anywhere! Like you said, it's where our family began! Sweet, sweet memories. As a former rolling rock, I'm now understanding how people live in the same house for 20, 30, 40 years. But yes, everything does happen for a reason and for those bad situations, there is always a silver lining.

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